I have always believed that when we are ready for something, be it a challenge, a delight or a new pathway, we find our way to it, or it to us… So it was with Esoteric Yoga.
I had known of Esoteric Yoga for some time but continually dismissed it as ‘not being for me’ until one day that changed. I became consciously aware that when it was mentioned I felt something different inside and when I heard about the Esoteric Yoga Stillness Program for Women and its accessibility online, I absolutely knew that this felt right and that I needed to follow this through. Imagine my frustration when I realised the program ran in six-week blocks held at intervals throughout the year, and I had to wait! I can be very patient or, as I realised, want instant gratification – the learning had begun…
I’m not the same woman today, as I was when I joined my first program with the Esoteric Yoga Stillness Program for Women. What’s more, today I feel that I am a woman, whereas when I first began I felt as though I hadn’t grown up in many ways. I was reactive to so many situations, and felt that I was a bit of a chameleon, changing the way I was with different groups of people to fit in, and to be what I thought they expected me to be.
I recently participated in an online six-week program, with the Esoteric Yoga Stillness Program for Women and it was both deeply beautiful and equally revealing.
Words were spoken by the facilitator during the first session of yoga, which resonated deeply:
"It's just you and your body…"
and, "It's just you and your breath…"
When I heard this, I could feel and hear my breath enter my body, and I felt my body respond, becoming deeply still. Everything then fell into a kind of order. I felt uncomplicated, focused and very present with myself.
“Woah!” I thought. “I am THAT! The quality, my breath, this space I occupy…
This presence – is ME.”
In the last year I have participated in several courses with the Esoteric Yoga Stillness Program for Women and from the support of these amazing programs I have come to a far deeper understanding of the relationship I have with my body. Through the program – the simplicity of the movements, and taking the time to stop and connect in each session – I have been able to connect to a stillness within me that I had never felt before.
I was drawn to Esoteric Yoga, and the Esoteric Yoga Stillness Program for Women after hearing what other women were sharing about the program. The opportunity to express myself in participating in the program was something I found to be of enormous support, as I found myself rediscovering more of the amazing woman that I actually am.
In each online session we were able to share with the practitioner and other participants about how our program was unfolding for us. Additionally, and most inspiring for me, was that over the six week period I also had access to a private online forum for participants in the program, which allowed me to share my journey along the way.
Well the title sounded good… and I liked the idea of stillness but I had no idea of how to reach that or feel that in my body.
You see, I am a solo parent, I work full time and I also run my own small business so I am rather busy and the concept of stillness seemed quite foreign and far away.
I have lived my life always in a bit of a rush, with a to-do list that never ends and taking time out for me, is a rare luxury. After all I am a busy woman.
Recently my son was not well. He was very uncomfortable in his body and was quite restless and unsettled. He was fighting high temperatures for a few days until I got antibiotics from the doctor to treat him for an ear infection. I went to his room to our rocking chair to help him settle down. I could feel the tension in my body from the way he was.
Stillness is something that I had always feared in a way. For as long as I can remember, I had always kept myself busy, always feeling like I had to be productive. It was never enough to just be me.
I would run from job to job, go to the gym, dinners, see friends, but not really be there, not being present. I would always be thinking about where I needed to be next and what I needed to do. My day was a constant battle to stay on top. I would get home, cook dinner, throw it down, jump in the shower, slap on some moisturiser and jump into bed before doing it all again the next day
My life has been filled with endless to-do lists and a drive to complete them, no matter the effect on my body. By completing these endless tasks I felt like I was achieving so much and was always seen by others to be “doing so well in life”. This put a lot of unnecessary pressure on me to perform and I would be very hard on myself if I didn’t finish the crazy goals I had set. I lived on nervous energy and anxiety, making me exhausted by the end of a working week.
The stress I placed on myself was insurmountable and I felt like I could never really get to that place of perfection. I was setting myself up for failure from the get-go and this was taking its toll on my body.